all together now

It's funny how couples are. We don't forget anything, but we try not to hold grudges. We want to love each other, but we're so very often at odds with the other person. We only want the best for each other, but we seldom can look past ourselves to give it.

In my last naval gazing journal (bugsinamber.diaryland.com) I spent a good deal of the time examining the lint of my relationship with Eric. Lint is funny stuff. The sort of stubborn fluff that is billowy and floaty, stuff that amounts to nothing, and yet, no matter how you shake it, it just won't come off...especially on black.

I actually have made a concious effort not to do that so much here, mostly because my writing style is here is meant to be totally different. The former was much more stream of conciousness, much more breathy abstractions, much more philosophical meanderings.

But allow me, those of you who tire easily of love talk or relationship digressions to venture into that territory.

I have never known another man like Eric. His keen intelligence, his quiet creativity, his bold conversational approach (that can sometimes feel abrasive), his "heart of gold" (as one of his friend confided to me, that is what he admires most of Eric), he has been a force in my life, a challenging force, one that at times, has been both gracious and swift, bold and gentle, full of love and anger. He is a contradiction and a pure example of ambivalence, struggling to find his way in the world.

(I somehow feel the same.)

Yesterday, we celebrated our two year anniversary with the sort of appreciation and genuineness we have missed in the other, bogged down by work and busyness, time and space caused this magnificent relationship we had never known before to become mundane and rote.

Yet, we remained, holding hands, softer, eroded, lighter, grains of sand clung to our skin, together.

I, for one, would rather spend a lifetime chasing my love than a lifetime without knowing him.