I have probably gone to Chipotle about five times since its inception and slow crawl along the storefronts of Chicago. I used to live rather close to one on Broadway and Belmont, but I never went there. It was always busy and it seemed a little uninviting to me.

The first time I tried Chipotle, I was encouraged to get a burrito by my stomach driven friend Laura, who happily munched on a burrito that felt like it weighed four pounds while claiming it was healthier than other burritos. I could not blame her much, she lives in Lincoln Park, where finding a decent burrito joint is as hard as finding diversity in its denizons. I found the burrito lacking in overall cohesiveness, which is generally what happens when I am left to select various ingredients for my meals (salad bars, habachi grills, subway sandwiches). I tend to end up with a garbage pile of things that don't really make sense together and overwhelm each other.

The second time was with another friend, this one who's not fond of burritos, ironic, given that she's half Mexican, but she still enjoys tacos and salsa and other tasty foods of her heritage. And Chipotle. Deanna is a very smart girl, just look at her degree from Loyola in literature and philosophy for proof, so it boggles the mind that she would find Chipotle tasty. I can only credit it to her status as a student at the time and that her fellow classmates had convinced her somehow it was good. I should find out if she is still fond of the Chipotle. Perhaps she will read this and tell us.

I don't remember what I had and not because it was a while ago. It wasn't good. Couple this with the news that McDonald's owns Chipotle, well, simply put, I stayed away from the place. I went to local Mexican joints and enjoyed freshly cooked food that tasted good to me. First there was a hole in the wall on Broadway, for a while it was always Tony's on Belmont and Damen, now it's The Burrito House on Lincoln near Addison (which lately, we seem to visit once or twice a week).

In the last year, I have been to Chipotle twice. When I worked at Starbucks, there were a lot of lunch/dinner options and after a while, Potbelly's is only so appealing. I had a coworker who loved Chipotle so much that she ate there at least once a week. She was constantly talking only good things about the food, so one day, I ventured into the Chipotle (right next door to Potbelly's), hoping for a change of pace and maybe, gasp, that I had been wrong about Chipotle.

I'm sure I looked hesitant as I wandered in. The place was nearly empty because it was downtown and after five. The guy behind the counter was friendly and helpful and at the register he waved his hand over the keyboard and pushed the tray of food towards me. "It's on us," he said. I looked confused. "Go on, take it."

I'm not above taking things for free, especially from big corporate suckholes, but it's one thing if it's a coffee or a pastry from Starbucks, it's another if it's a whole meal. Also, I was a little uncertain if this was some sort of advance on the guy's part. Was he trying to get to my heart via my grumbling belly? I am never a good judge of these circumstances.

I asked if he was sure, to which he nodded yes, and took my tray away, got a drink at the soda station and sat down to eat. I ate most of what I think was supposed to be a steak burrito and some chips, and then left, feeling slightly full and morally uncomfortable. The guy did not talk to me during my meal, but did wave goodbye in a friendly way as I left.

I managed to file this away in some part of my brain that is reserved for unresolved bits of mystery. I told a couple people at work and they could make no more sense of it than I could. I decided due to my lackluster meal(s) at Chipotle and my sense of discomfort, I would just avoid the place altogether, and successfully did during the remainder of my tenure at Starbucks.

[time lapse]

On Friday, after class, I was hungry. I walked along many blocks of State Street in search of something to eat. I didn't want to eat at Thai Spoon (no Katherine and I'd already had thai twice that week). I didn't want to eat at Potbelly's, McDonalds's, or Taco Bell. It was frigidly cold, so the idea of having a sub at Jimmy John's was out, though, looking back, I wish I had gone in there instead of walking past it and around the corner to visit Chipotle.

As soon as I walked in, I felt like I'd made a mistake. But I went through with it. I ordered a veggie burrito bowl with all the fixings, following the disinterested server along the counter and expressing my interest only in extra guacamole. When I reached the register, I answered in the affirmative when asked "for here?" I then asked for chips and a drink, and opened my wallet and fished out a twenty. A manager guy was wandering about and I noticed him lean over to the guy at the register. Then, the register guy said those same words I'd heard months ago, "It's on us."

Unlike most people who are excited by words like these, I was not delighted at all. I instantly remembered the experience I'd had at the other Chipotle's. I felt my face sour and I asked, "Why?"

The guy said nothing. He seemed to suddenly get busy doing something. I stood there for a second with my money and wallet in my hands and just fucking wanted to walk out of there. If only I wasn't the kind of person who hates wasting things and throwing things away and if I hadn't been so damn hungry (during class, I had the audible and embarassing growls of the stomach).

So I took my tray and got my drink and sat down and ate this meal that had been given to me for free. Clearly there was no issue of the register guy trying to make an attempt at my affections to worry about.

Then it hit me. This must be some kind of marketing ploy. Some kind of gimmick. Some kind of way to give away food to someone who looks like they'd tell a hundred of their closest friends how great Chipotle is. The location was right across from the DePaul Downtown Student Center and I bet they pegged me for a college kid and wanted to entice me and my friends to be Chipotle lovers forever and ever.

Or maybe every 100th customer gets a free meal.

Or, maybe they were just glad to get some sad veggies off their hands.

If a homeless person came in there and asked for food, they would kick him out.

Or I could drive myself crazy trying to figure this out.

See, this is how normal people and I differ.

Also, I realized why I don't like the food at Chipotle. It's not savory. There's no flavor. Even the salsa is ho-hum. The beans have the same texture as beans, but no flavor. The rice was nearly invisible, the green peppers cooked too long, the guacamole the right color, but with no taste. Even salt and pepper made no difference. It was like eating plastic food.

Whatever the reason they gave me the food for free, I guess I'm not very thankful. I really needed change for that twenty...