dinner at five thirty

Sorry for being away for the last couple days. The problem is that it is really a symptom of my being busy. I literally went from one thing to another with barely enough time to shower and get dressed.

Probably the most interesting and surreal thing that happened to me over the last two days was seeing a family I used to babysit for and generally hang out with. The parents were like surrogate parents to me and my brothers and sister, very kind and generous and there was nothing they had that they wouldn't share with us. They were the most wonderful people in my life at a time when I was growing up and trying to figure out who I was, and I miss them so much. They have three lovely children, all of whom I saw take their first steps. Imagine, that now, the oldest is going to be sixteen soon.

I'm sure there were times when they must have thought, why are these kids hanging out at our place and making more work for us to do, but they never showed it. And the truth is, I give them so much credit for who I am today. When I was eleven or twelve, they allowed me to have free access to their computer, and I wrote so many things, developed my "typing voice" which is tremendously different than my actual pen on the paper voice. I actually had to relearn how to write in a notebook during in class writing, because it was so ingrained in me to type at the computer.

The mom of the family was very special to me because she treated me like a friend more than some kid. She taught me, just by being herself, how to do and enjoy so many things, and it was all because she was passionate, intelligent and full of awe for the world. She always took the opportunity to laugh at a joke, always enjoyed everything around her, and never held back her emotions. The image I often sense when I think of her is her sitting on the couch talking, laughing, and scooping up one of her children who happened to be running by and giving them big wet sloppy kisses and tickling them and laughing.

They always had room for me, always made time for me, always welcomed some new thing that I happened to be trying, welcomed my boyfriends, my ideas, my thoughts. It didn't surprise me at all when they said there were friends of their kids who spent more time at their home than their own. There is so much joy in their home, even when it is not visibly present, it is the undercurrent of all that they do. They have an ease and love for each other that most families don't have, because most parents are too busy doing something else to pay any attention to their kids.

The saddest thing for me was when they moved away to the suburbs and it was like they moved halfway across the world, for they were always just a ten minute walk away, and then they were gone. It was never necessary to call or talk on the phone or meet, and suddenly there was so much to do in the suburbs and their kids were in school and growing, that we simply drifted apart.

But also, there is the kind of friendship you can have with a person that you know doesn't really expire during time lost, that when you meet again it will be like picking up where you left off, like no time has passed, so when it does pass it's not so painful, just kind of sad. So even though two years may have gone by, and the kids all look different and older and feel almost like strangers, we know that there is something deeper there that keeps us tied together and I am glad that they allowed me the gift of being a part of their family.